Never grow up.
I can’t wait until Footloose is over no offense to Steven but I really miss talking to him
happy but sad and it’s really conflicting so all I’m feeling right now is empty
and at this moment, the void in my heart is the only thing keeping me sane
it’s so normal now that I don’t even question it or trying to make myself better
it just comes, goes, comes back, leaves, and when it comes knocking again, I willingly let it in
I’m a mess
I hate telling people about my feelings but their response is always, “Quit whining. People have it worse than you,” or list out their own problems and tell me that they have a lot more problems than I do. And I understand that, but the goal here is for me to talk it out, not have someone make me feel worse. I just don’t understand why it always happens to me… Never to the popular girl in class, never to my other friends. I feel like I put too much commitment in friendships and don’t even take care about myself. And what’s the point, really? If they’re just going to dismiss me every time I open my mouth, what’s the point of saying anything at all?
There are so many things that scare me. And I don’t mean like spiders, heights, or clowns. Those scare me. But there are even scarier things. Like being extremely paranoid about my boyfriend, wondering if I’m ever going to get boring to him, wondering if he’ll move on from me because I’m a drag. And when he hangs out with his friends, I always have that fear that he’ll fall in love with them even though I know that they’re just friends.
And then there’s that fear that follows me everywhere I go. The realization that we could die, anytime, anywhere. A shooter could walk into this room right now and kill me. An earthquake could hit anytime soon and this building will collapse on me. It’s so easy to kill someone and it’s so difficult to procreate.
I suppose it won’t matter in the end because we all turn back into matter and energy. Emotions will be of no use and experience won’t serve a purpose.
But that scares me too. The fact that our minds won’t be anything but dust. Our consciences will cease to exist because our brains will stop functioning and it is our brain that continues to fire signals to send messages to give us these emotions, these thoughts.
sometimes I cry because I’m so ugly and then I look in the mirror and I laugh because I’m so ugly and idk it just works out
Leaving to Berkeley! (:
Why am I so angry all the time now?
No, mom, you don’t understand why I’m so pissed off now, you don’t understand why I’m angry and grumpy all the time. You think you know me but you really don’t so STOP calling me an impolite bitch when you don’t even know the story of why I’m so ticked off. Maybe if you were nicer to me when I was younger, I would be able to open up to you more, maybe even tell you the reason of my attitude now. But no, you chose to be that strict parent that gives her daughter nothing but rules, rules, and restrictions. You don’t understand me. At all.
Why am I so ugly
I don’t look good in anything
Ugh
I’m never going to get better.
Oh Kathleen, why are you so self-centered.
You’re stupid.
SOMEONE HAS TO REMIND ME TO STOP PITYING MYSELF.
She slid the Arizona across and handed over two dollars in change and she patiently waited.
The man looked up at her and asked her, “You have the most amazing smile yet your eyes look so sad. How is that possible? You are too young.”
He curiously studied her face, simultaneously slipping the money into the cash box.
“Life happened,” she answered. She dipped her head, taking back the Arizona, letting him keep the change.
She walked out.